I’m laying on my couch typing this. My roommate is gone, so is half of this bottle of Samuel Smith’s Organic Cider and coincidentally, the remainder of my 23rd year. In years past I’ve always been either really excited for my new year or very nonchalant. This year, I’m feeling very grateful.
I knew last year when the sun shifted on the eve of my solar return that 23 would be an amazing year. In Numerology, when pertaining to 23, it is summed up to 5. 2, being duality, and 3, being giving and receiving, equates to 5, being change. I’m a Scorpio, we don’t do well with change, but the Virgo in my chart welcomed this new found optimism with an uncommon grace. I found myself stepping outside of my little awkward turtle shell more and more each day. I took the time to not only learn myself, but to be honest with myself. Being transparent with myself has allowed me to be more transparent with others. That being said, I’ve decided to share some of the things I’ve learned during my year of change.
1. I know nothing
The older I get, the more I come to terms with the fact that I know nothing at all. This is a huge revelation for person who admitted to being a know-it-all majority of my life. I finally decided to just take my time learning and unlearning things, apologize when I’m wrong and try to make things right. It’s been a process, but the thrill of opening my ears and letting the universe speak is incomparable.
2. Take the back roads.
I know that quote from Will Smith has been floating around not having a reason for a Plan B because it distracts from Plan A (don’t’ quote me on that verbatim), and I know some people take that to heart. I know because I was that girl, and I’m here to tell you that isn’t necessarily true. Maybe don’t exactly have a plan B, but find an alternate way to get what you want. Don’t be so stuck on going a certain route that you don’t see the back roads. I can say that had things gone as planned, For The Scribes may not have happened. I definitely had other blog planned with other people that didn’t fall through for whatever reason. When I had almost given up on blogging, I met Willie in a random twitter chat. The rest is history. Sometimes you just have to be willing to swerve a little.
3. Everything must go
I still remember the first time I heard Jhene Aiko’s “Everything Must Go”. I was with my mom and my brother heading out to our Uncle’s funeral. We got to the car and realized that not only had someone busted out the passenger window, but they stole our radio and my mom’s tiny change jar out of the middle console. Everyone in our neighborhood acted like they knew nothing, which we later found out to be untrue. I was livid. I was ready to braid my hair and wipe on some Vaseline, I was so mad. We didn’t have much, we didn’t bother anyone. Why would they want to steal from us? Through my angry tears I noticed on my tumblr that Jhene had posted a song to celebrate her 25th birthday. I laughed as the universe whispered through her vocals, “You cannot fight fire with fire, an eye for an eye turns everyone blind.” She calmed my soul in 3 minutes and 16 seconds, and I’ve kept that song with me ever since. You can’t take anything with you when you leave your physical form. Everything comes and goes, material things, people, emotions. All you can do is try to be the best person you can be, touch as many souls as possible as you learn to love, and be happy. “Your energy and your soul is all that goes, wherever you go”.
4. That Girl is now This Woman
I have always been a writer. Since I learned to spell my name my love for words has been unwavering, but I never looked at myself as a poet until my mom showed me Alysia Harris performing “That Girl”. The passion in her voice, the transparency in her love, it still makes me cry to this day. That poem spoke to me, the girl I was, the girl I would continue to be from some years to come. I wrote all of my poems like that. They were raw, gritty, always hopeful at the end, always in love, always. It wasn’t until 3 days after my 23rd that once again my mom came through. Knowing my love for Alysia, she sent me a link to the poem “This Woman”, and in that moment I was transformed. I knew I couldn’t hold on to That Girl anymore. Like her, I was no longer in that place of being someone’s something on the side, giving my all to people who didn’t deserve my love. I was no longer ok with masking my greatness for fear of dimming someone else’s light, or coming off as anything other than “nice”. That girl had died and I didn’t even know it. So, 3 days after floating into my year of change I buried That Girl in my backyard. I gave her a proper send off, along with everything she kept of everyone that had ever kept her from being This Woman.
They say every 7 years your skin renews. This is an 8 year for me, and also a life path year (6), so everything feels new. I feel refreshed and ready to take on the world. My spirit is in a good place, and for the first time in my adult life I can say that I’m 100% happy. I don’t have everything I want but I’m oh so grateful to have everything I need. I have friends and family who love me and push me on this journey. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, a job that pays the bills and passions that keep me going. I have good health, mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally. I can’t ask for much more. This is 24.
Although, if you wanted to send me a bottle of Hennessy, I wouldn’t be upset. 😉