Fresh Ink: Langston Deary’s Tsukiyomi: Hours 1-24

It’s Friday and the holidays are approaching! Adding to this week’s power is a Fresh Ink submission comes from the poetic anime lover and FTS comrade Langston Deary. A wordsmith of vivid imagery, Deary does not disappoint. KLEENEX ALERT: “Tsukiyomi: Hours 1-24” is potent. Have your tissues ready.

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Tsukiyomi: Hours 1-24

 

I don’t know how I got here
Last I heard mommy and daddy were yelling again
I sigh
Every time I try to ask what’s wrong
The anger escalates between them
I think it’s directed towards me
I’m 6 going on 7
I don’t think mommy and daddy are happy
Did I do this to them?
Am I why me and sissy eat alone some nights?
Why daddy’s gone again
And mommy’s on her 6th glass of chardonnay
As punishment I take Simba with me
I lock myself in solitary confinement
Head bowed
Each shout I brand em like my uncle’s greek letter into my mind
I’m struggling constantly
Trying to find how to fix this
The door cracks
I quickly grab Optimus Prime and Rock Lee and make them do battle
I know it’s sissy
She says goodnight to me
I turn
Smile.
I repeat it just as brightly
She smiles back.
We both know we’re lying.
I have to fix this
I’m in A-B honor roll in school
I’m in chess club
I have perfect attendance
My teacher’s love me
I’m goalie in soccer
I have to do better
I have to do better
I have to do better
I have to do better
I have to do better
I have to do better
I have to do better
I have to do better
I HAVE TO DO BETTER
I HAVE TO
…p-p-p-p-please?
Is there anything I can do?
Please anything?
I’ll sell all my toys!
I’ll…..I’ll….I’ll give sissy back her video game!
I can help cook dinner!
Please why isn’t anything working
You said when there’s trouble to pray
And I promise cross my heart
I swear I’m praying!
At least 3 times a day
After all my meals
Before i go to bed
Even in class
Pastor said he can hear
But.
I don’t think He’s listening
I’ve never heard him
Not a paragraph
Sentence
Word
Syllable
Root
Not a single shout
Chat
Or whisper
They told me he watches and cares for ALL his children
I don’t think He loves me…..
I wouldn’t blame him
I don’t love me either
My existence is driving my family apart
It must be me
Sissy’s told me fond memories she’s had with mommy and daddy
But I don’t remember those
So it must be me
My parents said their world was consumed by me
Did I take their lives away?
What did I do to their dreams?
I struggle for weeks upon weeks
I become more aware of a presence stalking me, slowly approaching me.
From the corner of my eye I see a figure that remarkably resembles me
I met him in September
When IT happened

“Langston come here please”
I cautiously approach the living room
Everyone’s there
Slowly I feel hope bubble
Maybe someone’s been listening
Finally my prayers have been answered
My tears aren’t meaningless now
Maybe I can actually smile now
Everything will be different
Wait.
No!
This is not what I wanted
Mommy and Daddy gave a long speech
Stated that no matter what that they would both be my parents,
They both love me deeply
However
Love wasn’t between them anymore
Mommy’s leaving
I wouldn’t be seeing a lot of her anymore
She promised me that she would call me everyday
Tell me to have a good day at school
Wish me goodnight
Swore on the bible that her absence from home wouldn’t change anything between us
Liar.
I accept the new arrangements
I retreat to my room turned prison now turned asylum
Crying
Screaming
Mouth open
But my voice struck
My brain is having trouble translating my anguish into anything but ashmatic gasps
Let this just be another nightmare
I hear footsteps
My eyes snap open
It’s you
The commanding entity that lives in my peripherals
Hello Sir, are you friend or enemy
You smile
I mimic it
A small part of me lights up
At least I was able to make someone happy
My eyes glaze over
You clutch onto me
Sink fangs into me
It meant nothing to me
I don’t notice you dragging me into insanity
I’m dead mentally
I don’t flinch as you suffocate my childhood innocence and purity
I don’t need them now
It doesn’t bother me when you beat positivity into submission
It doesn’t phase me when you drop a .45 into my hand and instruct me to empty it into faith.
Vaguely I’m aware of your introduction into madness
Something about 72 hours.
I don’t care.
I’ve cracked
I shut my eyes again
Let sleep take over me.

Langston “Miles” Deary is an ink lover, tea enthusiast and anime fanatic. An introverted poet with words strong enough to make the toughest of us tear up, Deary is a co-host and creator of the TrapGami Podcast and can be found adding comic relief with Trapped in the Closet commentary on a Twitter timeline near you.

Know of some work that you’d love to see featured as Fresh Ink? Created some? Send them to info@forthescribes.com!

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